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November 24 What Kind of Christians Are Our Churches Producing Nowadays?Recently I read David Kinnaman's book unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity... and Why It Matters . I would encourage as many Christian leaders to pick up and read this book as possible, to understand the challenge that Christians now face in North America.
I've said from time to time, from my own experiences in evangelical churches, that Christians tend to be either strong, humble, loving, and hardworking people, or pretty messed up people who continue trapped in the same problems for years while barely showing much Christlikeness. I've met a few of the former, but I've felt that their numbers are dwindling, and that many more of the latter are in our churches. Often enough, I've felt that more of the latter kind of people are finding their ways into positions of responsibility and leadership, even into pastoral ministry. Unfortunately, throughout much of US history, the former were more common examples of evangelical Christians than today, and even more, a more scriptural example of what Christians should show to the world.
I've often noticed that sermons and topical talks among evangelical churches tend to concentrate on several passages. Nowadays everyone seems to be talking about Jesus's conversation with the woman at the well from John 4. I've also experienced times when the default passages were Elijah sitting under the broom tree and Peter walking on the water. I think that it's the passages which are being selectively ignored which are tripping us up. Here are two that tell of the lives that Christians are responsible to show to the world. Please, someone else preach and teach in depth on these passages sometime!
Titus 3:1-2: "Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men . . . " (The whole passage through verse 8 is well worth being preached regularly. Make it one of your candidating sermons or guest preaching sermons!)
I Thessalonians 4:11-12: "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life will win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."
All scripture references taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, copyright 1973, 1978 by the International Bible Society and used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
Technorati Tags: small churches,pastoral ministry November 19 Sexual Self Control and Sanity in a Sexually Charged SocietyPart I: The Bible, Personal Modesty and Lust: The First Line of Defense of God's Gift Personal modesty: The Biblical Standard 1. The marital relationship is the proper place for a man and woman to be exposed to one another's nakedness: "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame" (Genesis 2:25). This means that the sexual relationship of marriage needs to be protected by the curtain of privacy. This means that the discussion of the sexual aspect of the marital life should be restricted to the marital partner first, and that there should be no other outside discussion except with counselor or medical doctor for the correction of difficulties, preferably by mutual consent. This exposure of personal modesty with the partner in the marital relationship is a part of the mutual consent and lifetime commitment of both partners. This mutual exposure is perhaps the ultimate expression of trust in another person. Because of that, there is a tremendous vulnerability in this exposure. Any spouse would therefore have understandable embarrassment and anger at its unnecessary violation by unnecessary discussion with friends and relatives. 2. Personal modesty is the natural attitude of embarassment at the exposure of personal nakedness before the opposite sex: "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves" (Genesis 3:7). The natural bent of people will generally be to shield one's modesty from others by the use of clothing, as a natural defense against the lust of others and the embarassment of sexual exposure before the opposite sex. Generally past the age of modesty (which begins most often well before puberty) an adult should avoid the intentional violation of the modesty of the opposite sex, and avoid intentional exposure of his or her modesty before the opposite sex (this excludes accidental exposure or other special circumstances such as medical examinations). The Problem of Lust: Sexual lust is the intentional visual violation of personal modesty of others for personal sexual pleasure. It includes unrestrained sexual desire for someone outside the bonds of marriage . The Tenth Commandment: "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife . . . or anything that belongs to your neighbor" (Exodus 20:17). Coveting under the Tenth Commandment encompassed the desire for something possessed by another and not rightfully one's own. This would forbid jealousy, envy and lust. This is based upon the scriptural principle that the thought is the precursor of the action, and the intention of a sinful action amounts to the actual commission of the action. This would forbid the thoughts at the basis of murder, lying, adultery, etc. Jesus made this connection explicit in his teaching: "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27). It is not clear whether the discussion of coveting in Romans 7:7-13 is to be restricted to sexual lust; more probably it includes the whole of envy, jealousy and begrudging the success of another person. More importantly, it does describe the process of the rebellious reaction of fallen human nature to the commandment of God, and the consequence of estrangement from God, spiritual death, even from a sinful thought where there is no outward act of sin. The conclusion is not that lust is ultimately unrestrainable but that human nature is prone to sin even in thought and that the indulgence of sins of thought estranges from God as surely as the outward actions. Thus unrestrained lust will mean coldness and degeneration in a believer's relationship with God in the same way as an immoral sexual relationship. "Just One Look: That's All It Took": the Example of David and Bathsheba and the Potential Consequences of Unrestrained Lust "In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war . . . one evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful . . ." (II Samuel 11:1, 2). The terrible sin of adultery with Bathsheba and its culmination with the conspired death of her husband Uriah all had its beginning in this one look. The problem was not with the initial seeing, which seems to have been accidental (Bathsheba may have been bathing in a place and at a time where she might have expected no one to see her), but with the allowance of his accidental sexual arousal to become illegitimate sexual desire and intentional sexual sin. "In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. Amnon because frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her" (II Samuel 13:1-2). Like father, like son; the lust of David was paralleled by that of his son Amnon, and like him, it led to sexual sin, the rape of Tamar. This was one of the judicial consequences of the sin of David, and shows a striking pattern of how sexual sin can be repeated within a family. Since Amnon was his firstborn son, he may well have been in late childhood or early adolescence when his father became sexually involved with Bathsheba, and his father's example made an unintended impression on his developing sexual identity. Thus what David inadvertently taught his son was not sexual fulfillment in a godly marriage but the indulgence of lust in the violation of the commands of God. Women and Emotional Lust Many women do not seem to have the same problem with visual lust as men often do, though the presence of male strippers and male "exotic dancers" shows that visual lust is also a problem of women. The problem for many women, though, is rather emotional lust as fostered by romantic novels and soap operas. This form of entertainment has been known to foster romantic fantasies for idealized men, and may begin thoughts of romantic and sexual satisfaction in someone else besides the husband. It may lead to marital dissatisfaction by inflated, wrong expectations of the husband through comparison with the fictional, idealized men. Drastic Medicine: the Prescription of Jesus for the Hooked "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell" (Matthew 5:29-30). After his definition of lust as adultery (or sexual immorality) in the heart, Jesus went on to prescribe the drastic remedy for release from the sexuality of hell in thought and deed. Jesus's command here is figurative, not literal; he is calling for whatever action is necessary to avoid the indulgence in immoral sexual thought. His command is parallel to that of the apostle Paul: "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires . . . "(Colossians 3:5). This does not mean the cessation of sexual desire, but its redirection into the proper channels. Sexual desire cannot be truly eradicated, and inasmuch as it is a legitimate desire which is a part of human nature, it is not in the will of God to do so. His desire is rather that his people should be so free from illegitimate sexual desire that they would enjoy their fullest relationship with him and with each other in the purity of Christlike love and fellowship, and pure sexual satisfaction within the bonds of marriage. 1. Make plans to avoid everything involved with the sexuality of hell. This means dealing with all intentional avenues and habits of indulgence: "Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness . . . Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character" (Proverbs 14:22, I Corinthians 14:33). This means the avoidance of:
Action Plan:
2. Find a trustworthy confidant for the power of united prayer, encouragement and responsibility. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective . . . Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them" (James 5:16, Matthew 18:19-20). A trustworthy confidant will be:
Action Plan: List two or three people who can meet these qualifications. Ask them to help you with this bondage. 3. Seek the power of the Spirit of God. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:1-2). Freedom will not come by the strength of human willpower, but by the almighty power of the Spirit of God conquering the bent toward sin which is a part of human nature. 4. Immerse yourself in positive scriptural teachings; transformation by renewal of the mind through the Word of God. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will . . . All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (Romans 12:2; see also Ephesians 4:22-24). For Men: Imitate the Commitment of Job: "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl" (Job 31:1). This commitment of Job, as evidence of his righteous life, runs totally contrary to the Playboy mentality and exhibitionism for the indulgence of visual lust. This commitment entails:
For Women: Put Your Romantic Imagination to Work in Your Marriage:
Part II: The Bible and Sexual Morality: The Second Line of Defense of God's Gift A fine summary of Biblical sexual morality, suitable for memorization, is Hebrews 13:4: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral." The Bible's sexual standard is sex within marriage exclusively. All forms of sex outside of marriage, therefore, are outside the will of God; God's holy gift of sex is then reserved entirely for marriage. The Biblical standard is God's constant and unchanging standard. It came originally to God's people in a world at least as sexually permissive as the modern world. It was never intended to change across times and cultures. Thus the Biblical standards on sexual morality are for all times and cultures, and deviation from them is a matter of individual and cultural deviation from the standards of God. Biblical reasons for sexual morality 1. The commitment to the will of God to be holy: "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God . . . " (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).
2. Right use of the body as the possession and dwelling of Christ through the Holy Spirit. "The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body . . . Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (I Corinthians 6:13).
Defenses Against Sexual Immorality: Sexual immorality is not simply the result of uncontrollable physical arousal on the part of either men or women. Rather, sexual immorality begins in the heart: "For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality . . . adultery . . . " (Mark 7:21). Thus sexual immorality is ultimately a matter of thought and intention. Thus sexual immorality occurs:
1. Make the Biblical standards of sexual conduct your own. Determine that you are not going to break your standards no matter what reasons or encouragements are offered to you. In a dating relationship between believers in Christ there should be an agreement that either can cut short a date with no questions asked if that person senses that he or she is approaching a level of sexual arousal that could lead to the breaking of Biblical sexual standards. 2. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, avoid dating relationships with those who are not believers in Christ, who are backslidden, or immature and inconsistent. Seek to date those who hold to standards of Biblical sexual morality, and arrange early dates at Christian or group activities until you are sure of your date's personal standards. Remember that serious dating is the process of evaluation of the possibilities of a marital relationship, and one of the components of a godly marriage is a mutual adherence to Biblical moral standards. 3. Avoid situations which would encourage sexual compromise.
4. Learn quick replies to seductive lines, such as:
"IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU WON'T ASK!" ("Love is not self seeking . .. Love does not delight in evil . . . " -- I Corinthians 13:5-6). Real love will not ask anyone to compromise Biblical moral standards!
"SO WE CAN WAIT UNTIL THE WEDDING NIGHT!" ("Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth" -- Proverbs 27:1.) Engagements get broken; people even die before their wedding nights; the commitment of marriage has not been finalized to safeguard a potential sexual relationship.
"SO WE'LL LET THE DOCTOR DECIDE THAT!" Sexual ignorance is at the root of this deception; any physically normal man and woman are already physically compatible. A premarital physical examination can easily confirm this without breaking moral standards.
"SO WE CAN CUT THIS DATE SHORT AND WAIT UNTIL YOU CAN LEARN SOME SELF CONTROL BEFORE WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN!" NOTE: REPEATED SEXUAL PRESSURE FROM ANOTHER PERSON IS A LEGITIMATE REASON FOR BREAKING A DATING RELATIONSHIP OR AN ENGAGEMENT. ATTEMPTS TO BRING ABOUT A COMPROMISE OF BIBLICAL STANDARDS BEFORE MARRIAGE FORMS A LEGITIMATE BASIS FOR DOUBT ABOUT A PERSON'S ADHERENCE TO BIBLICAL STANDARDS AFTER MARRIAGE.
4. Avoid the company of those who have sexual designs on you. THE JOSEPH MANEUVER: AVOID IF POSSIBLE, TURN AND RUN IF PURSUED "Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, 'Come to bed with me!'" "But he refused . . . 'How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?'" And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even to be with her." "One day when he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by the cloak and said, 'Come to bed with me!' But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house" (Genesis 39:6-12). Part III: The Bible and Sexual Sin: Recovery for All the Victims of the Abuse of God's Gift Sexual violation is one level of the way in which people are victimized by the abuse of God's gift of sexuality. Jesus knows what this is like, from his own experience on the cross (see Jesus and Abuse). 1. The mildest form of sexual violation is that of the victims of sexual curiosity and visual intrusion by family members. Sometimes siblings, especially boys on the brink of adolescence, will attempt to view a physically developing adolescent sibling as a part of their developing sexual curiosity. Or perhaps a parent may fall prey to a single instance of desire to view a child of the opposite sex past the age of modesty. These matters can be dealt with most effectively within the family, with tact, understanding and patience. Overreactions can have more harmful and devastating longterm consequences than the actual actions themselves.
2. The next level of sexual violation is the voyeurism of family members, friends and strangers. You are the victim of a civil crime if someone, especially a stranger or neighbor, seeks to intrude covertly upon your personal privacy. Inform the authorities. 3. The most severe and devastating form of sexual violation happens to the victims of molestation, incest and rape by family, friends and strangers.
For those who have committed the sexual sins of adultery, fornication, homosexuality: 1. God holds you responsible to stop these sins. If you are currently engaged in any of these activities, understand that these sexual sins will disqualify you from eternal life unless there is cessation and conquest, and that God's Word holds before you the possibility of complete conquest. God's Word says to cease the commission of the act and avoid the person with whom you are involved. Then you will need to work on the underlying thought processes that led to the commission of the act. "Do you not know that [wrongdoers] will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral . . . nor adulterers . . . nor homosexual offenders will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you [have washed yourselves], you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11). "The acts of the [flesh] are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery . . . I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Galatians 5:19-21). 2. Admit your personal responsibility for the compromise and breaking of the moral standards of the Word of God. Even if you were the victim of the seduction of another person, you are responsible for allowing yourself to break your standards. If you were the primary seducer, you not only violated the moral standards of God's Word but are responsible for your part in encouraging another person to do so. 3. There is no future for a "relationship" in which there are these types of sins unless there is already a Biblical basis for marriage. This could only occur between two professed believers in Christ who have fallen into immorality during the process of dating and engagement.
4. Take the scriptural steps to cleanse your conscience before God, even if there is no continued commission of the act and the incidents were far in the past. You can push these past incidents away from your conscious thought but the memory of the sin will still be on your conscience and you will experience stunted spiritual growth until you do. "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy" (Proverbs 28:13). 5. Understand that the "love" and "romance" of an immoral sexual relationship is counterfeit love. Sex can be pleasurable physically and provide a temporary emotional boost (the "pleasures of sin for a short time" -- Hebrews 11:25), but at the cost of a defiled conscience, loss of awareness of God's presence and love, and hardness of heart toward the moral consequences. Sex may gain associations that may impede the development of a healthy sexual relationship within marriage, such as an association of sexual fulfillment with risk and secrecy (excited misery) instead of moral compatibility, a clean conscience and lifelong love and commitment within the will of God. This is in addition to the physical consequences of sex outside of marriage, such as venereal disease, AIDS, and pregnancy. 6. Renewal of the mind is necessary. The thought life must be cleansed. These areas will be the primary areas of difficulty at first, during the cessation of the relationship:
The basic problem, though, is a wrong and unBiblical idea of love, romance and sexuality. Even if you cease the actual commission of the sin, you have not achieved real conquest until you have dealt with your faulty mental/emotional programming which is at the basis of the sinful behavior. Go through the teachings on renewal of the mind, the Biblical reasons for marriage, and the Song of Solomon. Fill your mind with God's Word and with constructive activities; put together a Biblically based faith plan for your life, with Biblical goals. If you are not married, make yourself a candidate for a godly marriage. 5. Learn the Biblical standards of sexuality, and commit yourself to sexual fulfillment within the bonds of marriage. Study the scriptures and Christian literature on the subject. Make the Biblical teachings your unshakeable moral convictions. 6. Do not attempt to conquer the sin on your own, if you are still actively engaged in the actual commission of the sin. Seek a godly counselor, according to the standards previously given. Life dominating sins require exposure and confession before another, united prayer, and godly counsel for a far reaching and radical rearrangement of life. 7. If you suspect someone else, a brother or sister in Christ, of sexual sin, follow the scriptural steps of Matthew 18:19-20 and Galatians 6:1. Speak privately to the person if he or she is the same sex, or with one other person, preferably a spiritual leader such as pastor or elder, if it is a person of the opposite sex, as the first step of dealing with this. Speak to no one else of your suspicions; much unnecessary and harmful gossip has resulted from believers who have spread their misunderstandings and suspicions too freely. Part IV: Physical Affection: Jesus and His Example Jesus Christ is the only person who has lived a perfectly sinless life since the fall of mankind into sin, and this includes his sexual life as well. Marriage was not a part of God the Father's plan for him, not because it was necessarily beneath him, nor because there might have been a lack of sexual capacity in his sinless human nature before the resurrection, but because his mission to suffer and die for the sins of the world precluded marital and family responsibilities. Indeed, if marriage had been part of the Father's plan for him, it should go without saying that he would have been the only perfect husband there has ever been. But certainly Jesus demonstrates an example of perfect sexual self control for his followers, and his example needs careful consideration. Sometimes believers in Christ have fallen into unnecessary inhibitions about physical affection toward another person, because of unnecessary sexual associations of physical touch. The absence of legitimate nonsexual physical affection, though, can also make a person unnecessarily vulnerable to sexual temptation. The real hunger may be for this kind of loving physical contact instead of sexual contact. The example of Jesus gives some guidelines for what would be scripturally permissible, even healthy and normal, among family, friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ. 1. Physical affection within the family: Jesus probably participated in normal family affection within the household of Joseph. Besides Joseph and Mary, there were other brothers and sisters (Mark 6:3). Kisses between a brother and sister were a normal part of affection (Song of Solomon 8:1), and would mean no public embarassment. The reception of the prodigal son by the father with a hug and a kiss was probably a normal greeting of a beloved son after a substantial parting (Luke 15:20). The Biblical evidence has nothing to contradict a supposition that Jesus shared in a normal display of physical affection within his earthly family. 2. Physical affection toward small children: Jesus embraced and prayed for the small children whom he called to him without embarassment or censure (Mark 10:16). Certainly physical affection with small children by those they know and trust is not inherently wrong and need have no sexual overtones. 3. Touch as a ministry of compassion: One of the striking features of the healings of Jesus was the variety of ways that he touched people who needed healing. He touched the outcast, such as the leper (Mark 1:41); those who could receive no other communication from him, such as the deaf and dumb man (Mark 8:33) and the blind man (Mark 8:23); and a crippled woman (Luke 13:13). He could and often did heal by simply a word of command but he also chose to touch at times as an expression of his compassion for a suffering person. Likewise a believer's ministry of compassion may also include a compassionate touch without sexual overtones. 4. Physical affection as a part of friendship: Even among men a kiss could be a normal greeting (Luke 7:45, 22:47-48), and apparently Jesus also participated in this custom without embarassment. Nor was he embarrassed by the kisses of the repentant woman upon his feet (Luke 7:45; if anything was ever fodder for an overactive imagination, this was). After the resurrection, he also permitted the women to clasp his feet as a part of their worship for him (Matthew 28:10). A special instance which needs consideration is the command of Jesus in John 20:17, which the King James Version translates as "Touch me not." The preferable translation is that of the New International Version: "Do not hold on to me." He is not forbidding touch or an embrace in itself as indecent but as inappropriate in view of the heavenly relationship which needs to be established instead of the previous earthly relationship. In the friendships of Jesus, then, the physical contact and affection sometimes showed a recognition of his unique identity as the Son of God. He never violated the cultural norms of decency, of course, but still showed that there can be a totally innocent level of physical affection without embarassment or sexual overtones even between men and women, as an expression of affectionate friendship as well as family affection, Christian compassion and affection with children. The behavioral sciences have had some indications that there is a universal human hunger for nonsexual physical affection, and the actions of Jesus would seem to show his sensitivity to this aspect of human nature. "BUT WHAT IF I GET PHYSICALLY AROUSED BY THIS PHYSICAL CONTACT? OR WHAT IF I UNINTENTIONALLY TURN SOMEONE ON?" Physical sexual arousal can be an involuntary response to physical contact at times, when it is not initiated with the intention of receiving surreptitious sexual stimulation. This is not lust or sexual passion, since it does not include the intention of sexual stimulation but rather the expression of affection. It can be a symptom of inexperience at or of receiving insufficient nonsexual physical affection. A healthy family background of nonsexual physical affection and continued nonsexual physical affection will build a learned dissociation of nonsexual physical affection and sexual stimulation that will reduce the sensations of physical arousal. A person who would initiate physical affection with someone to whom he or she is not married with the intention of receiving or giving surreptitious sexual stimulation has to deal with the Biblical teaching on lust. If one observes that another person is sexually stimulated by physical affection, though, one must allow for the possibility that this arousal was unintentional. Often the real hunger, even among those who would initiate physical affection for this purpose, is not for sexual stimulation but for nonsexual physical affection. "WHAT ABOUT PHYSICAL AFFECTON FOR A DATING COUPLE? WHAT IF THAT LEADS TO SEXUAL AROUSAL? IS THERE STILL A JUSTIFICATION FOR HUGGING AND KISSING BEFORE ENGAGEMENT OR MARRIAGE?" Hugging and kissing for a Christian dating couple is premarital physical affection. 1. Nonsexual premarital physical affection can form a pattern for nonsexual marital physical affection. One of the common complaints in marriage is a lack of nonsexual physical affection, e.g., that the initiation of physical affection is too much a sexual overture. This might well be the result of this association of physical affection with sexual stimulation from a family situation where it was avoided for this reason, or a premarital dating situation where unrestrained physical affection led to sexual involvement. Marital hugging, kissing, handholding, etc. are the expression of affection for a lifelong companion, and not necessarily a sexual cue nor intended for sexual stimulation. A married couple can develop other sexual cues that will leave room for nonsexual physical affection that is not an immediate overture for sex. In a dating relationship through the engagement a healthy pattern of non sexual physical affection can develop which can carry on throughout the marriage. 2. The premarital physical affection should be restricted to genuine marital prospects. Because hugging and kissing for a Christian couple in a dating relationship is premarital physical affection, it should be restricted to genuine marital prospects, and it should be the expression of a deepening commitment to each other that can and may blossom into the mutual decision of marriage. 3. Suggested limits: A godly Christian couple in a dating relationship can experience involuntary and mild sexual arousal during times of hugging and kissing. As long as this is kept to a low level by restricted time and contact, this is entirely manageable. The purpose of nonsexual physical affection in a premarital relationship is not sexual stimulation, but the expression of affection for a person whose friendship is deepening as a preparation for a lifetime companionship and an expression of the legitimate romantic interest that the Bible recognizes as a part of courtship (Genesis 29:18, 20, I Samuel 18:20). This enjoyment is entirely innocent when it is protected by a mutual agreement to wait until the wedding night for sexual involvement, mutually agreed limits and a personal commitment to God by each partner to keep it from becoming the basis for premarital sexual fantasies. Moreover, it should be in the context of a variety of wholesome dating activities. "DIDN'T PAUL SAY THAT A MAN SHOULDN'T EVEN TOUCH A WOMAN? AND BECAUSE OF THAT, SHOULDN'T CHRISTIANS NOT HUG OR KISS ON DATES UNTIL THEY ARE ENGAGED OR MARRIED?" What Paul actually meant was, "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1, NIV margin). The New International Version in the margin preserves the true meaning of the phrase. The traditional translation of "Touch a woman" in the King James Version is wrong on several counts.
The context of Paul's remark is his correction of the sexual immorality in Corinth in the preceding chapter and his instructions about the goodness of both celibate singleness and sexually active Christian marriage in chapter 7. His thought does not end at the end of verse 1! Rather, he is affirming the goodness of the Corinthians' choice who decided to hold off their marriage during a time of persecution ("the present crisis" of 7:26), and of those who chose not to wait and were married or wished to be married in the midst of persecution. It is an error in interpretation called overspecification to make Paul's remark into a blanket statement forbidding all physical contact between dating Christians. Paul was clearly not speaking to that kind of situation. Part V: God's "Go Ahead and Enjoy!": The Bible and Sexuality in Marriage 1. Sexual Fulfillment and Satisfaction are Part of God's Purpose for Marriage. "Drink water from your own cistern, The proper place of sexual fulfillment is marriage. 2. Sexual Cooperation in Marriage "But since there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control" (I Corinthians 7:2-5).` Sexual cooperation is part of marital cooperation. It is based upon mutual giving rather than mutual demands and exploitation. 3. Sexual Satisfaction and Romance in Marriage: Read the Song of Solomon; study it with a study guide. Additional Resources
All scripture references taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, copyright 1973, 1978 by the International Bible Society and used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. The Most Common Sin Among Long Time BelieversWhich one is it? Which one would I say is people who have been believers in Christ for long time are prone to the most? Is it a secret addiction like pornography? Is is a secret sin such as sexual or emotional affairs? Is is gossip and social guerilla warfare? I would say that it is none of the above, but the sin which I am thinking of may be a part of all of them. That sin is pride. I believe that the tendency to pride is ignored primarily because it is an inward sin of thought and attitude first, a sin of the heart. It requires honest self appraisal rather than someone else pointing it out – and so many in the churches have been taught rightfully not to judge the hearts of others. Many believers who have followed the Lord for a long time gradually distance themselves from the kinds of outward sins that would mean social disapproval in the church. It is this very inward nature of this kind of pride that makes it both so prevalent and so deadly. Unfortunately, pride is at the root of virtually all sin complexes, sinful habits of thinking, speaking and acting, and addictive sins.
Here is a brief survey of what the scriptures say about pride.
With the lack of preaching and teaching on the spiritual, psychological and interpersonal consequences of pride, it is no wonder that strongly narcissistic tendencies have taken hold of more and more in modern US society – including many in the professing church All scripture references taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, copyright 1973, 1978 by the International Bible Society and used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. Technorati Tags: Pride,Narcissism Spiritually Worthy to Spread the Gospel – How Do We Get There?“The popular notion that the first obligation of the church is to spread the gospel to the uttermost parts of the earth is false. Her first obligation is to be spiritually worthy to spread it.” – A. W. Tozer, Of God and Men. The path for many individuals and churches to being spiritually worthy to spread the gospel will be through revival and spiritual awakening. Revival is the restoration of the life of God to a failing and dying church; it is the gift of new life and strength to faltering and discouraged believers; it is the renewal of backsliding believers and churches. "A 'Revival of Religion' presupposes a declension . . . It presupposes that the Church is sunk down in a backslidden state, and a revival consists of the return of the church from her backslidings" (C. G. Finney). Spiritual awakening is the when the power of God reaches beyond a revived church to the surrounding unbelievers with extraordinary conviction of sin. Many extremely degraded unbelievers may then become remarkably transformed by the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Revival and spiritual awakening then are the work of God through the Holy Spirit, in response to prayer and his Word. It has been his way of reaching many people and communities and blessing many. God promises the power and working of his Holy Spirit in response to the continued prayers of his people: ". . . how much more will your Father give from heaven the Holy Spirit to those who keep on seeking him?" (Luke 11:13). Prayer, along with the preaching of the Word, has been the avenue that God has used to send revival throughout the centuries. In preparation for revival God has often given a burden of prayer to some few who will not let go of God in prayer until they receive the promised blessing. Therefore let us make it our burden to seek God together for revival in our churches and spiritual awakening in our communities and our nation. "A revival may be expected whenever Christians are found willing to make the sacrifices necessary to carry it on" (C. G. Finney).
November 18 On the Preparation and Delivery of SermonsUpdated! I’ve discussed with others and heard some prominent evangelical leaders such as Michael Easley mention the decline in effective preaching today. Most preaching that I’ve been hearing lately tends to lack an adequate introduction, an adequate exegetical foundation, a confident, passionate and loving delivery, an effective organization, a clear explanation of the gospel or a clear anointing of the Holy Spirit. I don’t share this to be critical but to call for a return to effective preaching in modern evangelical churches. Here are the common problems that I’ve seen. Inadequate introduction The introduction needs to give some reason to pay attention to the sermon and a brief but accurate background on the passage. Sometimes it’s no more than, “Open up your Bibles to <Book> <chapter> <verses>. Now, <first verse>.” If it’s a series, there may be no connection to previous sermons in the series with this approach. Even more, it does not hook the casual or indifferent hearers into listening to the Word. For many, this kind of introduction comes across as dry, passionless and routine. What they may hear is, “Prepare to be bored with a lecture.” This comes mostly from pastors who have been taught that expository preaching is this kind of verse by verse running commentary and interpretation. If they would look at the great preaching of Christian history, such as Jesus in in synagogues of Nazareth and Capernaum (Luke 4, John 6), Peter on Pentecost (Acts 2), Paul in the the synagogue and in the Areopagus (Acts 13, 18), Ambrose, Augustine, Luther, Calvin, and on and on, they would find that this modern Targum style of preaching only came about in the past generation or so. This Targum style was in fact more the style of the rabbis up to the time of Jesus. The example of Jesus and the apostles, and the style afterwards, was quite different than this kind of verse by verse running commentary, and no one could effectively argue that it was less Biblical. The other style of introduction tends to be the constant recounting of some kind of personal experience of the pastor, whether recent or in the past. Certainly there is a need for the preacher to disclose his personal experiences in the pulpit as illustrations and in introductions, but this tends to treat the introduction as part of a running blog. Moreover, this seems to be a part of an overemphasis on personal disclosure and opinion in the sermon today. Often there are much more effective introductions to a sermon. Some brief stories or pithy quotes often do. Not only does this kind of introduction tend to focus too much on the pastor’s opinions and experiences, it also tends toward the strange subjectivity and historical isolationism of much of modern evangelicalism. Christian history is full of strong, effective and relevant illustrations that can serve as introductions or pepper the message with illustration throughout. More variety in the introduction can also reinforce the understanding that my spiritual experience as a believer is not my own little solipsistic thing, but is something that I share with millions across the world and throughout time, and that there is much that I can learn from other believers who share the same Lord and the same Bible. For the introduction then, it comes down to the time honored method: hook the people into listening, and introduce the passage. Avoid making it a weekly display of what happened to you this past week, or your commentary on local, national or world events of the past week. Give the people a reason to listen, and you may gain more attentive hearers from the beginning. Inadequate exegetical foundation There are many sermons that I’ve sat through from pastors whom I know have a Bible college or seminary education, and whom I know have heard many fine Biblically based sermons over the years, but who show very little evidence of having opened a commentary or done any digging into the meaning of the passage. Some even have seemed to be parroting the notes in the NIV Study Bible when they give background or interpretation of the passage. I honestly wonder whether any who had any education in Greek or Hebrew go back to the original Greek and Hebrew text on any more than an occasional basis. For anyone who already has an NIV Study Bible in the service, or who has done any previous digging into the passage on his or her own, this comes across as extraordinary carelessness and lack of seriousness in study of the Word of God and preparation for preaching the Word of God. It’s hard to say what the source of this is. I know that few in this situation actually have ever had the time demands that would prevent adequate exegetical preparation. My conjecture is that these individuals may never have really developed the kind of study skills during their Bible college and seminary education that carried through into being able to exegete a passage in sermon preparation, or that their education never connected effective exegesis and sermon preparation. They probably do not, or may not have received the suggestion, to read a Biblical or systematic theology text, a chapter at a time, annually or biannually, to keep their theologies in check and in growth. I tend to think that there’s probably also a failure to read and study the Bible consistently on their own for their own walk with Christ as well. With the preaching of serious exegetes such as Michael Easley and Chuck Swindoll available on the radio and elsewhere, my belief is that congregations notice when there is an inadequate exegetical foundation on a regular basis in the sermons of their pastors. And when this happens, I think that they turn even more to preaching and teaching in the media and Christian books to get Biblically based preaching and teaching. Pretty much every guide to sermon preparation stresses the need for blocking off time to study the passage for the sermon and to prepare the sermon. This was in fact more difficult in previous years when there were many more churches holding Sunday morning and evening services, and the sermon for the evening service was normally different than the sermon for the morning service. C.H. Spurgeon would normally begin his study for the next weeks sermon on the afternoon or evening of the Sunday before. I myself would often arrive several hours before the evening service to begin the exegesis of the passages for the next week’s sermons. It’s never too early to let a passage begin to flow through the preacher so that it can flow out in the sermon. I think that putting in the time for exegesis, to come up with the message of the passage, will also tend to basing the weekly sermon on shorter passages of scripture. Occasionally it is legitimate to preach on a whole chapter, but generally a pastor who is putting his time in to understand a passage will rarely base a sermon on a selection of scripture beyond a paragraph, or several verses, or even, in some cases, a single verse. He will discover that there is more material to communicate effectively in briefer passages than in skimming over larger swaths of scripture. Lack of effective organization This is the pattern that I’m seeing more and more in the preaching of the Word. First, there’s some kind of introduction. Next comes the running commentary on the passage from beginning to end. Finally, the preacher attempts to apply the passage in a long and drawn out conclusion. It’s often not easy to find the connection between the passage and the long drawn out conclusion. Even more, the preacher often rambles away from the passage, and inserts his own opinions and experiences. Sometimes it becomes more of a running personal commentary on the state of the congregation, on the lives of unnamed individuals and on evangelicalism as a whole. This pattern reinforces two unfortunate tendencies. The first is the seeming tendency of some pastors to see themselves as having a pastoral authority outside the guidelines of the Word of God, to take up an air of self importance, and to give an undue weight to their own ideas, experiences and directions apart from the Word of God. This can often be seen in the manner of the preacher as well when he is spiraling downward from being a preacher of the gospel to a religious blowhard. The second tendency is that of the undue subjectivity, personal self importance, spiritual self absorption and scriptural disconnection and dissonance of belief and conduct of modern believers, which is reinforced when they see the same tendencies in the preacher. Moreover, sermons in this pattern of introduction, extended commentary and extended application tend to apply primarily the last verse or verses in the passage in the extended application. In these cases it seems like the introduction and the scriptural passage are like more an introduction to what the pastor really wanted to say. The problem, though, comes up where there are great and significant truths and commands which appear earlier in the passage, and which are left out in when the passage is applied. Much of the potential benefit and, indeed, much of God’s message through the passage is lost when this happens. Almost every guide to preaching stresses the need to outline the passage for the sermon. It’s part of understanding the message of the passage and providing an organized structure for the sermon, and this is why a good outline comes from Bible reading and exegesis. It provides a way for the preacher to expound on and apply the entire passage for the congregation. But even more, it also forms boundaries for the sermon, to keep the preacher within the bounds of scripture. It avoids the non-sequiturs that surprise, annoy and irritate the congregation when the pastor steps outside scripture and begins to assert authority in ways and matters in which scripture has not given him authority. Lack of a clear explanation of the gospel Many, many sermons leave anyone in the congregation who is not saved with no clear understanding of the gospel. The assumption seems to be that everyone who hears has received eternal life through faith in Christ. This is by no means a safe assumption. For instance, I know of several instances of believers who faked conversion for years by simply listening for and repeating the accepted catchphrases. It was an unexpected shock to many when they really did come to powerful conversions when God dealt with the deceit of their lives and they stopped faking it. There may also be first time and occasional attenders who have not genuinely put their faith in Christ for salvation as well. It’s possible for a person to attend the services of many churches for an extended period and never hear an explanation of the gospel, of the death and resurrection of Christ, and repentance and faith in him to receive eternal life. This does not mean that there needs to be an invitation in every sermon, though. Rather, one of the subpoints of the conclusion of the sermon can legitimately be an explanation of the gospel, and it’s usually not hard to tie this into the application of practically any Biblical passage, even if the passage is from the Old Testament. What is necessary to express is that gospel is the primary message of the Bible to everyone today, and it’s fundamental to understanding and applying any truth or command in any passage. It can then be underlined that any teaching from the Word of God in the sermon will ultimately be useless for anyone who has not taken this fundamental step to receive eternal life through faith in Christ. If the passage already contains substantial content on the Biblical gospel, this could be explained both for the believer, for assurance and depth in the gospel message, and as necessary content for the unbeliever. One the reasons that many believers do not witness is, I believe, that after they receive salvation, they do not hear the gospel preached often enough and clearly enough to instill the message in them so that it becomes a constant part of their lives. Lack of a clear anointing of the Holy Spirit I’ve read how the power of the Holy Spirit seemed to go like an electric current through those who listened to Evan Roberts at the time of the Welsh revival. D.L. Moody spoke about preaching the same sermons before and after he was filled with the Holy Spirit, and the power of the Holy Spirit made all the difference. I’ve wondered whether modern congregations would recognize or sit still for the kind of Spirit anointed preaching of a George Whitefield, or a John Wesley. The content in these sermons may be familiar but when the power of the Holy Spirit is there, God is putting his life changing and life transforming power into the preacher and through the sermon into the congregation. There is a life changing power all out of proportion to the content itself. This is the kind of Spirit anointed preaching which is most prominent in a time of revival, but which can be evident throughout the ministry of a man who seeks it regularly, week by week. One of the things which both astonished and grieved me was the number of my seminary classmates who could not attest to having been filled with the Holy Spirit and who knew the power of the Holy Spirit in their preaching. Some later came to realize that they could not continue to try to minister in their own power and ability any longer. It takes putting in the time to get alone with God and pray passionately for God’s power to come through the preaching of his Word. It takes the humility to become a clean vessel for the Holy Spirit through confession, repentance and, in some cases, restitution to others of finances and reputation when they have been robbed of either. The lives of men and women who come to hear the Word of God are worth this kind of personal investment in seeking to be filled with the Holy Spirit for each and every time you preach the Word of God.
Lack of confident, passionate and loving delivery There’s an old expression that it’s a sin to bore people with the Word of God. Much of this may come when the preacher himself does not really seem to have much of a reason on why he is preaching on the current passage other than its place in the book on which he is preaching. Or he may not seem to have much of a reason for preaching itself other than the place in the order of service where it says, ‘Sermon.’ Or, he seems to be more delivering a sermon as a part of the routine of the job of being a pastor. So, because the preacher does not seem to have much of a reason for his preaching than it being a part of the routine, his preaching lacks confidence and passionate delivery. He is a man bringing a talk, and not a messenger with a message. Unfortunately, though, the delivery of the sermon may also be confident and passionate in the wrong way. An irritated, annoyed and resentful pastor will display these characteristics in his preaching. In other words, his preaching will not be loving. It will rather contain spiteful jabs at individuals within the congregation and mocking parodies of people and ideas with which he disagrees. It’s also unfortunate that there are often a number of people in the congregation who find this entertaining but a regular diet of this feeds divisiveness and contempt for others within the congregation. Both the pastor and elders of the church need regularly to watch for when this happens. For the pastor, simply listening to himself as recorded from time to time will help to keep this in check. Passion for the message of the passage comes from understanding, believing and living it. It comes from the power of the Holy Spirit. Christlike passion therefore will come from letting the living Word of God speak through his written Word in the heart of the man who has let its message fill him.
This morning I looked up on the Internet to see if there were any web sources of the classic book on preaching which influenced generations of preachers in America: John A. Broadus’s On the Preparation and Delivery of Sermons. For the most part it is necessary to purchase the book to get the full text, since Google books has a partial, but still substantial, preview. I think that a return to the time honored patterns of preaching would do more for the spiritual health and growth of our churches than most of the programs and fads that come up every few years. Moreover, I think that there needs to be a heightened awareness of the awesome responsibility and difficulty of effective preaching. It’s far too easy to take it too lightly and to invest too little of oneself in preparation for preaching nowadays. It’s also far too easy to underestimate the growth in knowledge of and personal application of the Word of God and of prayer that is necessary in the years during and after Bible college and seminary to become an effective preacher. For instance, it’s almost comical to read how inept Billy Graham was during his first sermons, yet God honored his prayers and persistence. It’s often forgotten that the man whom God used to preach the gospel to more people than any other person in the history of the world was not an instant success and had a prolonged period of struggle and learning. The same is true of many who later went on to become strong and effective preachers. But for those who wish to glorify God in their lives and ministries, it worth the time and effort. October 26 God’s Health Care: Remembering and Continuing in the Healing Ministry of JesusI once heard a story that happened during the 1973-1974 revival in Canada. Believers from many denominations were meeting and praying together, and someone prayed for the wife of a pastor whose church did not believe in healing to be healed. Barely had the prayer been uttered before she cried out, “Wait! We don’t believe in that!” But as it turned out, she was healed before she stopped speaking. For many years, I have been involved in Christian and Missionary Alliance churches, have earned a Master of Divinity degree in one of their seminaries, and have served as a pastor of several Alliance churches. Yet I wonder sometimes whether there is continuing adherence in practice to the core belief in Christ as Healer today. Here are some questions for consideration.
I personally only want God to be glorified in the ministry of preaching, teaching and praying for healing as part of the ministry of Christ through the church today. I abhor any attempts at personal showmanship or any methods in which someone may try to distract the attention from Jesus Christ as the healer (John 14:11-14). I would, moreover, challenge anyone to read and consider the scriptures first on this topic, as on any other. It’s unfortunate that what I consider a completely silly and too often unchallenged overspecification of I Corinthians 13:9-10 has been used to try to assert that the spiritual gifts of tongues and prophecy have ceased and signs, wonders and the ministry of healing as well (though that’s not even addressed in that passage). But I’m convinced that a fair reading of the scriptures will justify these conclusions:
Therefore, if we believe it, let’s preach it and practice the truth of Christ as Healer for today without either embarrassment or showmanship. He does continue to heal today, and the glory of his healing stands as a witness to his power to save fully and completely from sin and all its effects upon our lives. *** PLEASE NOTE: I am fully aware that there are brothers and sisters in Christ that do believe that the gift of tongues, prophecy and healings have ceased. Again, I would ask them to continue to look at the scriptures. Nevertheless if they find themselves in a church which does believe that the gifts of tongues and prophecy continue and that Christ continues to heal today, I would ask them, with concern for avoiding divisiveness in their local church and denomination, and to avoid making false an unethical promises in any kind of membership or leadership vows, please find a church and a denomination which believes as you believe, and minister and serve Christ there. Continue to love and serve Christ and your brothers and sisters, but have the courage of your convictions and serve where you can fully assent to the doctrines and mission of your local church and denomination. Technorati Tags: Christ the healer,healing in the atonement September 06 Suggestions for Smaller ChurchesUpdated! Today, small churches may tend to feel out of touch and out of place, yet there are real opportunities for ministry even with larger churches with much more impressive facilities and programs within easy driving distance. Here are the advantages of the small church over the large church in this day and age:
There are also some major difficulties that smaller churches often face:
Here are some suggestions:
I can remember what an acquaintance told me some years ago about the Assembly of God church that he attended: “I couldn’t tell you specifically all that they believe but I know that they love me to death.” Loving fellow believers is not a slick program, but it is Jesus’s command (John 13:34-35, Revelation 2:1-10). He will not have a church with his name continue without love for fellow believers.
Where the church leadership does not have a unified, scriptural vision for the direction of the church which they have found by spending a lot of time on their knees together, the direction of the church tends to be trying one thing after another, and reams of bad advice from the self appointed committees of the self important.
Small churches tend to be notorious for frustrating pastors. Do not issue a call to a pastor whose leadership that you have no intention of following. Do not issue a call to someone whose spiritual or emotional maturity and stability is in doubt or whom you think that unscrupulous people in the church can or will try to control. Rather, make it a common goal to call and follow godly pastors even with their imperfections.
Visitors will usually be of three types: the curious, the friends or relatives of members and regular attenders, and those seeking a new church for the right or the wrong reasons. Make contact with them. Then see whether the curious will give a hearing to the gospel, or whether the friends and relatives or members and regular attenders have been given an opportunity to hear the gospel. See whether those seeking a new church for the wrong reasons need ministry as much as those seeking a new church for the right reasons – but it won’t be the same kind of ministry.
Look to make the most of the current facilities. Evaluate the appearance of the church facilities and see if there is anything which needs to be spruced up, repaired or replaced. Building trustees who show satisfaction with church facilities which are starting to run down need to be encouraged or replaced. Evaluate the parking and classroom space. If there is parking available at nearby shopping centers, office centers, or places of business, make an arrangement to use them on Sunday mornings. Often a charitable voucher from the church can help the owner of the facilities with a tax exemption that will make the deal palatable to the owner. If there are restaurants with meeting rooms nearby, a breakfast class for adults (young adults and singles) can usually meet there. Plan to move to two services if there is an increase in attendance. Make the plans before the necessity arises, and revise them annually until they are needed. In the meantime, let the people get the dream for two services, and what it can mean for them.
Young families with children find a church with no Sunday School or Christian education ministry repelling. Often, if the pastor’s family has young children, the pastor’s wife may start a Sunday School just for their own children, and it then takes off. One of the threshold indicators that a small church is in line for closing and a merciful death is the absence of a viable Sunday School and Christian education ministry. It’s sad but true that many churches allow these ministries to deteriorate steadily over a period of years, until the primary Christian education ministry is the pastor’s preaching and teaching. Even more sadly, this can happen where there are people qualified to take up these ministries but do not.
Seek to ‘platoon’ responsibilities of up front ministry; let people be a part of the worship team and music ministries for one or two Sundays a month, for example. Finding and keeping an adequate supply of instrumentalists, particularly piano players, can be a problem. Often a church has one piano player who takes up the ministry for years or even decades, and there is no accompaniment when this person is sick or on vacation. Rather the church should look at this kind of ministry not as one person but rather in terms of primaries and backups. If there are needs for people to come forward and take up this kind of ministry, make it a matter of prayer first, and then a matter of godly recruitment. Small churches often neglect the opportunity for people to share their personal testimonies in the church service. This gives the ability for others to get to know each other in terms of their spiritual background and history, and serves as a reminder that the gospel works. This can provide an injection of life into services which become routine and predictable.
Small churches are often fearful of Biblical church discipline, because of fear that they might drive away key church supporters. Yet it’s often found that small churches remain small because it’s in someone’s perceived interest and it fits someone’s hidden agenda to keep it small. This person aims to keep a small church under control, to try to make it fit their expectations such as some idealized church in the past with which they are comfortable and familiar, and to try to make it fit their hidden agendas. Another threshold indicator that a small church is due for a merciful death is a church that ends up just being a small, ingrown group who are the long term troublemakers and their cohorts. They have used every trick to make sure things go their own way so that eventually everyone else has been driven away. When this happens, it indicates that there is no core group of people stable and loving enough to rebuild the church upon. Sadly, if the church closes, the members of this group are often not welcome at other churches in the community because of their past reputation, because the other churches in the area have taken in the people that they have traumatized. Sexual scandals can often cause small churches to stagnate and die. One church where I was pastor had had two men who had been involved in the Sunday School ministry imprisoned for sexual crimes several years before I arrived. This had been covered up during my candidating interview, even though I persistently asked whether any such thing had happened. It’s hard to say what could have been done, but denial of the facts was not one of them.
It’s usually best to have two elders or an elder and his wife who can take on the ministry of following up on people who leave the church. Often, before people leave a church, there is usually someone with whom there is visible and persistent friction and sometimes public squabbles for a period of time. DO NOT ENTRUST THE RESPONSIBILITY OF FOLLOW UP TO THIS PERSON OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO THIS PERSON! DO NOT GIVE THIS RESPONSIBILITY TO ANYONE WHO HAS ANY HISTORY OF FRICTION WITH THE PERSON WHO HAS LEFT! You will practically never get anything but self serving excuses and outright lies as to the reason as to why the person left from the person who may well be harassing them and instigating others against them behind their backs. Understanding what has happened must come first. The elders or the elder and his wife need to be aware of what it takes to rebuild the bridges toward fellow believers who may well be being harassed out of the church. They need to listen first and foremost, and not to try to offer advice, solutions or attempt restoration until the fellow believer has been given a full, fair and loving hearing. Moreover, this needs to be done in a personal visit, and not with a phone call. In addition, they need to be prepared for the possibility that the person who has left has become entangled in some kind of sin. In this case, they need to be prepared to work toward spiritual restoration of a fellow believer with love and patience.
The things to watch for are that evangelism has adequate materials in terms of tracts and church brochures, and adequate training courses. In addition, the small church can foster more long term relationships than many larger churches and provide ministry to people during seasons of openness in their lives. Continued failures in this area also indicate that it may be time for a a merciful death for a small church. It’s also a tragedy that frequently occurs that a scripturally based, loving evangelistic ministry cannot take hold in some small churches because of persistent internal opposition and subtle sabotage. The consistent problem for many smaller churches is fruitless evangelism; this is a case where there is evangelistic activity but no new believers, or believers that come to Christ end up going to other churches. This is a sign that the evangelistic ministry is either sharing a corrupted gospel or God is refusing to honor the lives of the people who are sharing the gospel. People who claim to be sharing the gospel with little fruit may simply be dropping a few gospel phrases or a tract on someone and moving on to someone else. Or, the person may simply not be filled with the Spirit and demonstrating genuine love for the person to whom he or she is witnessing. Or the problem may simply be that the church has so ingrown and that the presence of new believers does not excite them and inspire them to love and disciple the new believers.
Unfortunately, often it is necessary to merciful death to small churches which have seen new believers come to Christ through their ministries and keep on going on to other churches. This is an indicator that there is something repellent about that church to a new believer, since it’s natural for most new believers to want to fellowship with the church that actually shared the gospel with them. It often indicates that most of the people in the congregation not excited about nor loving toward new believers. There may in fact be entrenched unbelief among some in the church, who see the new believers as threats to their entrenched unbelief (Nazareth syndrome). These people may in fact have rejected the gospel in their own lives but stick with the church and stay with the church out of tradition and inertia and not out of any concern for the glory of God and an ongoing, abiding relationship with Jesus Christ.
Churches often flog pastors with with unrealistic expectations and undue attention (fishbowl syndrome). Sometimes pastors must deal with conceited, belittling and presumptuous attempts at controlling them and micromanaging them. Rather, allow the pastor to have friends outside the church fellowship, and provide the pastor with adequate financial support, support with the problems of life and time with his own family. There are also some things to avoid.
I fear, in this day, that with the availability of DVDs and videos with preaching and teaching too much reliance is placed on these video ministries in small and larger churches as well. On the one hand, unless these videos are carefully screened, they can be a source of false and unbalanced teaching. But more, the overuse of videos can foster an undue air of ‘professionalism’ as necessary to effective preaching and teaching, and carry implications of inadequacy of, unfair comparisons with, and belittling of the ministry of the existing pastors and teachers in the church. Rather, pray and look for those with the gift of teaching and those spiritually and doctrinally sound to take up regular teaching ministries. Use videos and other media as supplements, but not as a major part of the teaching ministry of the the church. God may in fact have someone waiting on the sidelines who is his choice for this kind of ministry.
Ambitious people and itinerant church troublemakers may show up at small churches from time to time. Others in those churches may ‘fast track’ them unwittingly because of some demonstration of their abilities or previous ministries in other churches and an eagerness by the small church to ‘fill a slot’ with a person apparently willing and able. Tragically, they may find these recent transfers are simply transferred problem people. People from another denomination may seek to make the church like the one they just left, despite having made a membership pledge to the doctrines of a new denomination. On the one hand, many times people who visit and become involved in a church are not potential troublemakers. The truth is that many times believers are either driven out of other churches by continued and persistent harassment by other believers or even church leaders, or they are frozen out by continued and persistent unloving treatment. These people may become good leaders later on after a period where they are allowed to serve and show their true character. They should not continue to be treated like a potential troublemaker but rather treated like a brother or sister in Christ.
I’ve visited churches with friends, and the pastor has immediately tried to sign me up for something, even through I was a regular attender elsewhere. This can turn off the first time visitor. Rather, give them a chance to become a part of the fellowship and show their spiritual life and true character.
New Testament churches were not large churches with state of the art facilities. For instance, the church in Colossae, the recipient of the letter to the Colossians, met in the house of Philemon. This suggests that the Colossian church was probably about thirty to forty or so – definitely not anything like a modern megachurch. Technorati Tags: small churches,pastoral ministry August 30 Finding the Missing GiftsSome years ago A.W. Tozer preached a sermon entitled Tragedy in the Church: The Missing Gifts. This later became the opening sermon in a book of his transcribed sermons. It is a tragedy that many of the spiritual gifts are underutilized and underrecognized in the modern evangelical church, even where in churches and denominations which do not believe that the gifts have ceased from the church. Some years ago I was the pastor of a Christian and Missionary Alliance church where the previous pastor and a number of the current members and attenders had some Pentecostal leanings. I came up with the following teaching statement as a way to bring everyone together on what the scriptures had to say about the public exercise of spiritual gifts. I offer it here as a possible basis for public exercise of the gifts in churches and denominations where they do not believe that the gifts have ceased from the church but do not want to go to unscriptural extremes.
1. We affirm the inspiration and sufficiency of the Word of God to teach, correct, instruct and train in righteousness, and that it alone is sufficient to equip believers for every good work (II Timothy 3;16-17). We affirm the high place of preaching and teaching of the Word of God after the practice of the Lord Jesus and the apostles (Acts 2:42, I Timothy 4:13, II Timothy 4:12). We repudiate any additional revelation to the Biblical canon (Revelation 22:18-19, Deuteronomy 4:2, Proverbs 3:6), and any message or expression of spiritual gifts that would contradict or add to the written Word of God. 2. We affirm the reality of all the gifts of the Spirit for today (Romans 12:3-8, I Corinthians 12:8-10, 27-30, Ephesians 4:11-16, I Peter 4:10-11). We affirm that the gifts of the Spirit are good for the church. 3. We affirm the policy of the Christian and Missionary Alliance in regard to tongues, that they are not to be sought as the evidence of the filling of the Holy Spirit nor are they to be forbidden as not being given for today. 4. We affirm that the trust test of the filling and presence of the Holy Spirit is the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and that the earthly goal of the Holy Spirit is to transform believers into the moral likeness of Jesus Christ (II Corinthians 3:18). We affirm that the Holy Spirit comes to glorify Jesus Christ (John 16:13-14) and not to exalt his own ministries. We affirm that love is greater than any spiritual gift (I Corinthians 13:1-3). We repudiate any spiritual pride, rebellion against church leadership, or role reversal in Christian marriages on account of spiritual gifts as contrary to the nature of the Holy Spirit. 5. We affirm that spiritual gifts are given to the church for the edification of all, by the will of God, for the good of the entire body of Christ (I Corinthians 12:7, 11). We affirm that all gifts are necessary and good. We recognize that the more visible and sometimes spectacular sign gifts are no more valid than any other gifts, and repudiate any rivalry on the basis of gifts. 6. We affirm the scriptural guidelines for the public exercise of spiritual gifts of prophecy and tongues (I Corinthians 14:26-33). We counsel each member of the fellowship to be sensitive to the others and to seek and receive edification through the use of spiritual gifts. We counsel that the less formal services on Sunday evening and Wednesday evening are more appropriate times for the use of these (of prophecy in a non preaching mode and tongues with interpretation), as a practice followed even in mainstream Pentecostal denominations such as the Assemblies of God, due to the possible presence of unbelievers and immature believers in the Sunday morning services. We repudiate any practice which tends to self exaltation rather than edification, or to confusion and disorder in the worship services. 7. We recognize the possibility of human imitations and demonic counterfeits of spiritual gifts, especially of tongues and prophecy. We affirm the right of the church and individual believers to discern the source of all such manifestations, and recognize the same as a scriptural responsibility (I Corinthians 12:1-3, I Thessalonians 5:19-20, I John 4:1-3). We recognize that the enemy and his servants will masquerade as servants of righteousness, and repudiate any test of spiritual gifts according to the attractive personality of the possessor or the beauty or excitement of the experience (II Corinthians 11:13-15). A. Testing of the gift of prophecy: We affirm the presence of the scriptural gift of prophecy in the church today, but recognize that not everything that claims to be a message from the Lord is to be received as such. We recognize that the genuine gift of prophecy will expose sin (I Corinthians 12:24-25), and will operate so that believers will be strengthened, encouraged and comforted (I Corinthians 14:3). We affirm that the true gift of prophecy will always be in accord with the teaching and spirit of scripture (Romans 12:6). We repudiate as false prophecy what might arise from a person’s own thoughts and ideas (Jeremiah 23:16, 21, Ezekiel 13:2-3, 17), whatever would tend to lead a person away from God and obedience to his Word (Deuteronomy 13:1-5, Jeremiah 23:17-18, 22), and whatever predictions fail to come true (Deuteronomy 18:20). We also recognize and repudiate any prophecy as false which is found to originate from a demonic source (I Timothy 4:1). We affirm the right of the church and its leadership to correct and discipline its membership for false prophecy. We encourage believers to avoid any attempt to correct another believer through purported prophecy or words of the Lord and instead to follow the procedures of private and gentle rebuke as outlined in Matthew 18:15-17 and Galatians 6:1, and to be patient and forbearing with differing fellow believers on nonscriptural matters (Ephesians 4:1-3). B. Testing of the gift of tongues: We affirm the presence of the gift of tongues today in the church of Jesus Christ. We deny that the gift is separable into a gift of tongues for public use and a private prayer language, since scripture recognizes one gift of tongues (I Corinthians 12:10), with different uses, whether in public exercise with interpretation (I Corinthians 14:13), or as a private prayer language (I Corinthians 14:14-15, 28), or, in cases perhaps most rare, in evangelism to those whose native language is different than that of the speaker (Acts 2:4, 8-12). According to the scriptural descriptions the content of tongues when interpreted would be prayer, praise and thanksgiving (I Corinthians 14:13-17), and we would counsel great caution when interpretations take a prophetic form, as being possibly out of order and even false prophecy. We encourage that with love and gentleness for the speaker that tongues be tested by the repeated use of the word of command of the authority of the Lord to the spiritual source to reveal whether it acknowledges the authority of the Lord Jesus and that he has come in the flesh (I Corinthians 12:3, I John 4:2-3). We encourage this especially in the case of an experience that has been a factor in backsliding, lack of church attendance or involvement, indulgence of sin, rebellion against church leadership, role reversal in the marriage, lack of peace and lovelessness toward brothers and sisters in Christ, and neglect of prayer and God’s Word, and where there has been occult or spiritistic influence in the background. 8. We recognize the possibility of false miracles today (Matthew 24:11, 24, II Thessalonians 2:9-12), and that as the return of the Lord Jesus grows closer, the possibility of their increase. We repudiate as false any which are done by sleight of hand to deceive and any from a demonstrably demonic source. We counsel all believers to note the fruits of any worker of miracles (Matthew 7:15-23). 9. We utterly repudiate any occultic or spiritistic practice as being contrary to scripture and a source of demonic oppression and bondage (Deuteronomy 18:9-13). We call upon all believers to avoid utterly all such practices. We encourage the confession and renunciation of such practices as in accord with scripture (Acts 19:18-19).
August 29 Responsibilities and Preparation of Church EldersUpdated! Often, especially in small churches, men come to positions of being elected elder and then have no idea what the responsibilities of an elder are. Some seem to think that it’s being part of a pastoral oversight committee, and attempt to micromanage the ministry of a pastor. Others seem to think that eldership is an opportunity to talk big, boss other believers in the church around, interfere in the lives of others, and promote the people they like and denigrate others that they do not like. The scriptural qualifications are primarily character qualifications, and someone who fulfills the scriptural qualifications will avoid those previously mentioned aberrations. But they might still be at a loss as to what eldership means. There are several indications in scripture. Eldership means oversight of the church before God. I Timothy 3:5, 5:17, and I Peter 5:2-4 all talk about the elders having authority to oversee and guide the church; the I Peter passage is especially pointed as to the manner that this leadership is to take, in Christlike servanthood and not in self serving tyranny, exploitation and hypocrisy. In most congregations, this will mean serving on the Governing Board of a church. The Governing Board is also the legal board of directors for a church as a non profit religious corporation in many areas of the world, but its legal status is secondary, since the church board is not so much a body to make business decisions but to guide the church in a spiritual manner. This will, though, mean making business decisions according to Biblical wisdom and according to legal and ethical guidelines many times. Serving on the board with integrity will mean:
Eldership means watching for and contradicting false doctrine and hidden but scandalous sins. This responsibility comes from Titus 1:9, and it means being deep enough in orthodox Christian doctrine to be able to spot heresy and false teaching. It will mean being able to spot and deal scripturally with hidden and scandalous sins. It will mean having scriptural convictions and scriptural courage, since many times what the church needs to confront will be what is tolerated or even celebrated in the surrounding culture. It’s reasonable for elders to understand and adhere to the doctrinal statement of faith of the church and the denomination. It’s also essential for them to have an understanding of and adherence what constitutes Biblical saving truth about the nature of God, of Christ and of salvation, so as to be able to recognize and refute false doctrine. It’s reasonable to see how many from evangelical churches fall into doctrinal error, following cults and occult teachings, when church elders do not provide suitable counsel and instruction about sound Biblical teaching. Eldership means participating in teaching ministries of the church. Many elders never or rarely participate in the teaching ministries of the church. Yet the Bible says that elders must be ‘apt to teach’ (I Timothy 3:2). It’s reasonable for elders to teach a Sunday School class once every year or two, or to have an ongoing ministry as part of the Sunday School. Even more, it’s possible to take the ‘apt to teach’ qualification alongside the ‘hospitable’ (also in I Timothy 3:2) qualification, and to see an elder hosting and leading a small group discipleship or growth group in his home. Another good application of this qualification a contemporary church structure is to have one or more elders involved with the Sunday School as a Governing Board liaison, or as the Sunday School Superintendent or Assistant Superintendent. For an elder (or pastor, in a multiple staff church) to oversee Christian education and discipleship groups is a very reasonable application of these scriptural qualifications. Eldership means praying for the sick with the anointing of oil. Some churches and denominations do not believe in the continuing healing power of God in the church since the time of the apostles, and this point is not addressed to them. In many churches, though, praying for the sick is a kind of a routine and a tradition at prayer meetings, and some people make a great point of bringing up every ailment that they can think of for prayer. This hoary routine is sometimes pursued in ignorance of the scriptural pattern. In the scripture, rather, the apostles prayed for and anointed the sick with oil as part of the authority given to them by Jesus for outreach (Mark 6:13). James the brother of Jesus extended this authority to the church elders in James 5:15-16. Here’s how this needs to be exercised:
Eldership means exercising authority over the powers of darkness with the authority of the name of Jesus. Churches and church leaders do at times need to deal with the powers of darkness as they manifest themselves. Sometimes even people with multiple possessions come to churches and demonic manifestations occur with harsh blasphemies and profanity. At other times the manifestation are not as blatant but still may be just as real. In Luke 10:19 Jesus gave authority to the seventy that he had sent out over demons. This verse can be applied both to the average believer and to the elders of the church, since it looks like Jesus chose the number seventy as being symbolic of the elders of Israel (Numbers 11:16). Certainly elders need to be able to step forward, to be able to pray, fast and exercise the authority over the demonic delegated by the Lord Jesus Christ when churches are faced with outright spiritual warfare.
It’s usually a good idea for men new to the office of elder or in preparation for the office of elder to be given much more training and guidance than they are usually given. One more resource I would suggest is Servants in Charge with Study Guide: A Training Manual for Elders and Deacons by Keith Bailey. This would also work well for someone who has been serving as elder as an on the job training refresher. I would advise not simply handing the book to a prospective, new or used elder, but going over the book one on one or in a small group. The goal is to put the lessons into practice rather than get some new ideas. A small group Bible study with elders and prospective leaders on I and II Timothy and Titus will also do much to give them a scriptural understanding of eldership and ministry. I believe that the pastor of a church needs to give much more attention to guiding, training and supporting the elders in his church than many do. An elder who is either at a loss as to how to fulfill his responsibilities, or, worse, abusing his office in his conduct of his office, is an indicator that the pastor has been inattentive to the needs of the elders for guidance, training and support.
A question comes up on what churches should do about men who come to eldership who do not fulfill the scriptural requirements for elders. Here are some ideas.
Elders are often not involved in evangelistic ministries of the church, and sometimes even oppose these same ministries. I can remember hearing how a prominent evangelical church had two elders leave the Governing Board after a majority of the Board voted that they all should undergo Evangelism Explosion training. Their refusal to participate revealed on later experience their motives were more to wield power in the church. It’s reasonable that an elder should be able to share the gospel with others, and be able to minister to many problems one on one with other believers. In many churches where invitations are given regularly at the conclusion of a sermon, the elders are usually expected to be among those who offer scriptural encouragement, counsel and prayer to those who come forward.
One last thought: historically, and especially in Reformed churches, the role of the pastor has been defined as a ‘teaching elder.’ This is one reason why pastors are given financial compensation (one meaning of honor in I Timothy 5:17). It should go without saying that a pastor should fulfill both the character qualifications for elder and the scriptural responsibilities. Yet it’s often sad to see how much a subjective experience of a call to be a pastor (often based on what I have come to believe is an unwarranted application of the scriptural narrative call of an Old Testament prophet such as Jeremiah to a New Testament pastor) and fitting a cultural or subjective image of what a pastor should be takes precedence over what scripture says about being a teaching elder. August 24 Open Air Preaching and Tracts in the Internet AgeUpdated! Many people in evangelical churches are embarrassed by open air preaching and tract evangelism. Often, it is for good reason. Here are several reasons that I know of.
Many believers sense that these methods are dishonest and misleading, and detract from the love, respect and honesty of Christ. I personally could not use these methods after a while once I spent some time meditating on what the Bible says in II Corinthians 4:2: “Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.” Here are some alternatives:
August 21 People I've Met, Wisdom I've ReceivedHere I will give some reminiscences of both good friends and slight acquaintances. I must warn you that there will be nothing here that is not as positive as I can make it! Sorry, there is no dirt to be found here!
Things I've Done And ExperiencedI've played trombone in a college marching band that performed at a major college football bowl game (1975 Tangerine Bowl) and at Disney World, and hugged a pom pom girl after my team won. I've played trombone with my high school marching band as then President Richard Nixon drove by and stopped to shake hands. I've been awakened a few times by coyotes howling outside my window in suburban Cleveland, Ohio. I've fired a number of classic World War II pistols and rifles such as the M1 Garand, 1903A1 Springfield, 1911 Browning .45, the British Enfield and the Swedish version of the German Mauser. (I don't own any of them, but my brother does.) I've dated a girl from Paris, France (a long, long time ago). I've dated a former high school homecoming queen and queen of her senior class (a long, long time ago). I've taken two and three girls simultaneously on dates and have been accused of having 'harems' at least three times (a long, long time ago). I've been aboard the museum ships U.S.S. New Jersey, U.S.S. Olympia, U.S.S. Little Rock, U.S.S. The Sullivans, the U.S.S. Cod and two other World War II submarines. Among other places, I've visited the Cleveland, Toledo and Cincinnati Art Museums, the U.S. Air Force Museum, the Smithsonian Institution, the New York and Cleveland Museums of Natural History, Independence Hall in Philadelphia, the Washington Monument, the John F. Kennedy graveside and the Gettysburg and Antietam battlefields. I've listened to a number of my favorite trombonists in person : Urbie Green, Jim Pugh (when he was with the Woody Herman orchestra), Slide Hampton, Steve Davis, David Taylor, Doug Wright and Bill Watrous. I've watched history made on TV as I watched John Glenn on his first orbital flight, the first moon landing with Apollo 11, the first shuttle launch and both the Challenger and Columbia disasters while they were happening, several JFK news conferences, the JFK and Ronald Reagan funeral processions, the Vietnam War and both Gulf Wars, most of the presidential debates since the Gerald Ford/Jimmy Carter debates in 1976, among all the reporting of history as it is happening to us today. I've been challenged as I left my workplace by a Secret Service agent -- then Vice President Al Gore was half a block away during his 2000 presidential campaign. I've started at least four novels and have a few short stories also sitting around. I've had the privilege of preaching the Word of God at least 500 times. I've had the privilege of leading at least 500 people through a prayer to receive Christ as Lord and Savior. I've read through the Iliad and the Odyssey a number of times in the original language. Other classical works I've read in the original language include the Odes of Horace, the poems of Catullus, Plato's Gorgias, and portions of Aristophanes, Sophocles, Aeschylus, Euripedes, Sappho, Archilochos, Herodotus, the Aeneid of Virgil, and the Republic of Plato. I read through the New Testament several times a year in the original language. I've read through most of the Old Testament in the original language. I've touched a Super Bowl ring. I've touched an SR-71 Blackbird. I've run six minute miles and bench pressed over 250 pounds throughout my late thirties and forties. I've interviewed with NASA to program software for the space shuttle. I've handled one of the ceramic thermal tiles from one of the space shuttles. The tiles are about five inches square, feel like fiberglass or styrofoam, and have a hard black surface on one side. I've talked several people out of committing suicide. I've turned Cicero's First Oration Against Catiline into Cicero's First Oration against the Latin Teacher on Exam Day – which the teacher loved. I've been part of at least one medical study. I've created a set of costume Roman armor from memory and worn it in front of a church congregation of over 1000. I've been on the local TV news both after the June 18, 2002 fire which hit my apartment building and before and during the my victim witness statement at the trial of the arsonist. I've taken a number of standard psychological tests which demonstrated my sanity -- which proves that you can't always go by standard psychological tests ;-). I've performed several weddings although I've never been married myself. I've been an alternate juror on a murder trial where the death penalty was requested. I’ve attended a poetry reading by the US Poet Laureate Ted Kooser and had the opportunity to meet him and hear his opinions on literature and poetry. August 20 The Pastor and Personal MinistryUpdated! It seems to me that many pastors are much more comfortable preaching and teaching in front of a group than in dealing with a single person about a problem or concern. Yet personal, one on one ministry, is definitely part of pastoral responsibilities, and too often seminaries and Bible colleges do not mention much about it. Here are some guidelines:
“Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant – not of the letter, but of the Spirit ; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life . . . For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake” (II Corinthians 3:4-6, 4:5). Whatever your personal shortcomings, trust in God for his sufficiency for the situations that you will face, and go forth to serve with that trust.
One of the problems that I found when working with pastors on Evangelism Explosion teams was to get them to tone down their approach. Some started out loudly, like they were starting a sermon without a microphone. “WE’RE HERE FROM <some> CHURCH!” Dealing with people one on one calls for a more soft spoken, conversational approach, and is not delivering a sermon. This kind of ministry is the place to “ . . . clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12). Some pastors also try to act so tough and macho that they show very little of the attitude of Christ, who said he was, “ . . . gentle and humble in heart . . .” (Matthew 11:29). It is absolutely horrible that some pastors and elders consider Christlikeness to be weakness and ‘wimpiness,’ and take on a gruff bossiness, a stiff pride and an unbending aloofness to others in deep pain which is so unlike the Savior. Yet a gentle, caring and confident manner demonstrates Biblical Christlikeness, and is a mark of someone who has been ordained not so much by the hands of a committee but by the hands scarred by Roman nails.
Pontification, offering solutions before you have heard the entire story and jumping to conclusions about a matter on the basis of half explanations and offhand remarks results in ministry malpractice. I think that this tends to happen when a pastor wants to present himself as pastor who has things together and has boatloads of scriptural advice for all sorts of situations. Rather, listen, ask for clarification where necessary and seek to understand as much as possible before offering answers.
This is true whether the person who has had the crisis occur is a church member, regular or occasional attendee. This is especially true for the death of an immediate family member: father, mother, brother, sister, or child. Be there to pray and offer comfort. No one expects you to have all the answers, but the Biblical responsibility is “. . . mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). And then, let other people in the church know and encourage them to offer their support over the coming weeks. Mourning the loss of a family member takes some time, and it will often be months of adjustment for the family as well. There will be major, life altering crises that happen. Be there as soon as possible and as long as it takes to minister to the need. Don’t let a person suffer in silence. Be less fearful that the person who receives ministry will become a ‘black hole’ of need and dependency and rather more concerned that Jesus might say to you in this situation, “ . . . whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me” (Matthew 25:45). I’m convinced that not only do many churches lose people who feel abandoned in the hour of crisis and in their suffering, but that churches stagnate because of those who attend and sit in pews with broken and bleeding hearts, because “if one part [of the body] suffers, every part suffers with it” (I Corinthians 12:26). Advice to ‘tough it out, ‘suck it up’ and ‘get over it’ may apply better to minor hardships, disagreements, annoyances, slights and offenses, but not to situations like the loss of a job, a life threatening or even a terminal illness, an abusive marriage or workplace situation, becoming the victim of a crime against person, property or reputation, or the loss of an immediate family member or close friend. For more information, see my previous post on Care First.
Ask if the person would be comfortable with allowing you to pray for him or her, and then pray quietly and reverently. Ask God for his solutions and his wisdom. Look for the glory of God here, and don’t let it be an attempt at a show of eloquence.
Let the Bible be the source and center of all counsel given. Demonstrate faith in the power of God’s Word to change lives. The memorization of scriptures that speak to common problems will give you a wonderful basis to speak to hurting people throughout your ministry. A pocket New Testament or a small Bible that you can carry with you can be one of your best friends where you know of a place where Scripture speaks but you do not have the passage memorized. One of the advantages of speaking to people either in their homes or in the hospital is that there is often a Bible to which you can refer them. Many people will continue to look at the scriptures that you point out after you have gone! Make sure that counsel is scriptural. Avoid sharing personal experiences as a resolution to someone else’s problem. Too many believers already canonize their experiences and things that they hear from others as the scriptures that they use in practice instead of the Bible. Rather, use personal experiences where they illustrate lessons learned from scripture and ways in which to apply scripture. Moreover, I’ve also seen some get caught up so caught up in their own experiences when starting out to share what happened to them to sympathize that the whole point of ministry to the other person got lost in the conversation. Moreover, avoid the kinds of hoary, unscriptural and often childish platitudes so cheaply thrown out such as, “Don’t pray for patience because that will only make things worse,” but point to what scripture actually says.
Lots of things can be shared in the course of ministry to people that should be kept in confidence: medical needs, personal problems, and besetting sins may be some of them. There are always people in a congregation that are prone to gossip, who have overactive imaginations and uncontrolled tongues, and who are overly curious about these things and much less attentive to their own problems. It’s your responsibility as a pastor to make sure that they don’t learn about them through you. A loose tongue and the betrayal of confidences can go a long way to proving to a congregation that their pastor is untrustworthy with any confidences, and will destroy his ability to minister to them one on one.
Someone will often try to share his or her ‘concerns’ about other people or a particular person with a pastor. It’s your responsibility to make sure that your ear is not open to slander and gossip, nor that you are drawn to one side in disagreements and conflicts. Rather, urge forgiveness and reconciliation as much as possible.
Many elders and other church leaders come to positions in the church with very little, if any, training in ministry to others, aside from one or more long forgotten personal evangelism training courses. Many of them do not know where to go in the scriptures to deal with the problems that they may face if they engage in one on one actual ministry to people and conversations. One of the best ways to open their eyes to the needs of others and how to minister to them is to bring them along.
Many churches believe in and practice James 5:14-15, such as my own denomination, on the anointing of the sick with oil and prayer for healing. I’ve been on pastoral visits where the sick person has been in the hospital and at home and requested the anointing with oil with prayer. Carrying along a very small pocket size bottle enabled me to minister to this request on the spot.
When dealing with a person one on one, you will occasionally find someone who is a part of a church fellowship but has never really come to saving faith in Christ. This can be a wonderful opportunity to speak to this person about his or her eternal need. Do this gently and lovingly, and you may be more likely to find that person trusting Christ for his or her eternal salvation. All scripture references taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, copyright 1973, 1978 by the International Bible Society and used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers August 06 Your Human ValueOne of the distortions in many people's understanding of themselves and others is the estimation of personal value and significance upon the wrong basis. This has led to errors in: Modern ethics:
Personal self awareness, self perceptions, self estimation and personal relationships, by the confusion of personal value and significance with:
The Biblical view is, though, that each human being already has value and significance in himself or herself in being created in the image of God. Therefore each person can find an objective and unchanging understanding of his or her eternal value and significance in this fact. 1. All mankind -- each and every person -- arose by the creation of God. This means that all human beings have the same value and significance no matter their race, gender or physical or mental capacity. There is only one human race, and each human being is a valuable member. The Biblical meaning of mankind as the creation in the image of God begins to unfold in the account of the creation of man and woman in the book of Genesis: "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatues that move along the ground. ' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:26-27). "When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them 'man'" (Genesis 5:1-2). This the Bible teaches that mankind began as the special creation of God himself. The Bible is clear that the first human couple were created through special miracles of God himself (Genesis 2:7, 22). This contradicts:
Man is different from the animals:
" . . . what is man that you are mindful of him, (Psalm 8:4-8).
Each of these intertwined philosophies of humanism and human evolutionism actually and ultimately degrades those people who, consciously or unconsciously, ascribes to them:
2. God providentially superintends the existence of each human being. Each human being since the beginning has come into existence by the providential design of God through the process of human reproduction and thus ultimately through the sovereign design and superintendence of God. In some cases God has supernaturally aided this process (as in the case of Abraham and Sarah conceiving Isaac) and in one absolutely unique case he bypassed the normal process entirely, in the virgin birth of Christ. His intention was that every child be born of a marital union, but one of the consequences of sex outside of marriage is the children conceived of this union. The former case may be said to be in accord with his design, the latter allowed by his sovereign permission. But in both cases the child is equally the creation of God and made in his image. "For you created my inmost being; (Psalm 139:13-16). No matter what the circumstances of your conception and birth, therefore praise God for your life. Praise him also for the way in which he made you, for everything about yourself that you find likeable and the things about yourself that you find annoying or difficult to bear. Whatever you find difficult to accept about your physical being -- a lack of physical beauty, a disability, etc. -- happened by the sovereign permission of God: "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD?"(Exodus 4:11). All these things are not a mark of God's punishment or displeasure, however difficult they may be to bear. Consider all these things in the light of the statement of Jesus about the blindness of the blind man: "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life" (John 9:3). Offer your condition back to God, as part of making your body a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1), and seek that his will and his glory may be displayed through your physical body. Though it is not truly a physical defect, many have had difficulty in dealing with a sense of a lack of physical beauty. Such areas as diet, exercise, cleanliness, courtesy and tact, and an inner joy and tranquillity have much more to do with the qualities of physical attraction than the artificial enhancements of makeup, etc. These aspects need attention first in dealing with this self estimation. In addition, it needs to be noted that the attraction of Jesus himself was by no means physically based: "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, (Isaiah 53:2). A reading of the gospels would seem to indicate that Jesus was so average looking that it was impossible to pick him out of a crowd! No matter what physical potential one has been given, be it great or small, any man or woman who is a believer in Christ can have the true attraction of Christlikeness. A concentration on these qualities is more advisable for a courtship and marriage both godly and satisfying. Then, too, a deep insecurity about one's appearance can lead to an envious, resentful, vindictive and manipulative character which may be a more effective sabotage of personal relationships than any lack in the area of personal appearance. 3. God made man like him in some way of resemblance so as to be called in his image and likeness. What does ‘the image of God’ mean? Generally the image of God is divided into personality (the quality of personhood) and character (moral capability).
Family Order and the Image of God Both men and women share in the image of God though the order of creation (I Corinthians 11:7-9 and I Timothy 2:13) has significance for family order. Civil Justice and the Image of God 1. "And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting . . . And from each man, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of his fellow man. Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man" (Genesis 9:5-6). The image of God in man makes the premeditated and hostile killing of man by man murder that amounts to a crime against God himself. This is the Biblical justification for capital punishment in the case of murder.
Verbal abuse and the image of God "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness" (James 3:9). This shows how slander, demeaning and derisive talk about others, verbal abuse etc. can amount to a denigration leveled against God himself, and gives the Biblical basis for restraint of such talk. This should give us all a new incentive to consider how we speak of others in the hearing of God himself. All scripture references taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, copyright 1973, 1978 by the International Bible Society and used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers Characteristics of Growing/Declining ChurchesThis is from a handout that I’ve used when I’ve preached on Ephesians 4:11-14.
July 30 Forgotten Christian History: No Awe Before the Earthly AuthoritiesI’ve heard from multiple sources how many pastors and evangelical leaders are seduced by the aura of power when they receive an invitation to the White House. In contrast, here is a link to the interview that the Scottish Reformer John Knox had with Mary Queen of Scots: John Knox interview with Mary Queen of Scots. One other example stands out from Christian history. When the Methodist preacher Peter Cartwright was told that General Andrew Jackson was in his audience, he said, “Who is General Jackson? If he don't get his soul converted, God will damn him as quick as he would <anyone else>." One of the characteristics of genuine fear and respect for God that comes from being filled with the Spirit of God is an amazing boldness and forthrightness yet with genuine respect before earthly authorities. The strength of Jesus and the apostles before the Jewish authorities has often been demonstrated in believers throughout the centuries. Spending time before the eternal throne of God in prayer definitely gives a believer backbone and prevents him or her from being overawed by earthly offices and officeholders who are men and women with feet of clay. Genuine spiritual power does not stand prostrated before earthly authorities. July 21 Forgotten Christian Classics: The Best of Andrew MurrayHere are some classics from Andrew Murray that are available inexpensively or freely on the Internet. They are worth reading either slowly, a chapter at a time, or more quickly, or made the subject of a small group study or Sunday School class. Enjoy. Abide in Christ With Christ in the School of Prayer The Ministry of Intercession The Inner Chamber and the Inner Life The Social Behavior of the AbuserOver and over I have seen documented several behavioral patterns in the abusive person. The truth is that these kinds of grudge bearing and obsessively controlling vindictive people act in some common ways, and yet others cooperate with them a lot because they do not recognize the kind of wicked web in which they are participating. These kinds of abusers can be men or women, and their targets can be men or women. They may be family members or not. These patterns of behavior can take place when the targets are marital partners, family members, or people with whom there is some kind of workplace or social contact or interaction. The target may be well aware of the abuser’s malicious and aggressive intentions, and be avoiding them as much as possible, or the target may not have discerned these intentions yet. Here are the patterns I’ve seen documented in the literature and in real life: RED FLAG # 1: The abusive person talks about his or her targets behind their backs a lot. The amount of talking about someone who is not there is one of the easiest markers to discern. It’s no exaggeration that one of the abusive person’s favorite topics of conversation is the target, when the target is not there or within earshot. The abusive person may have no visible closeness to the target – perhaps no ongoing relationship at all -- and yet claim good and wonderful intentions and a special closeness and relationship with the targets. Moreover, the abusive person mixes a grain of truth with a gallon of falsehood and exaggeration about the targets, and, when these are exposed as lies, tries to justify it by loudly drawing attention to ‘the grain of truth.’ And what goes for the grain of truth may simply have been offhand remarks, small talk twisted to vicious and belittling extremes, and things said and done far in the past. This kind of backbiting and backstabbing is often tolerated because the abuser puts on his or her charm, and tries to make it entertaining by mixing it with mockery, ridicule and counterfeit compassion. The purpose is to isolate the target socially and to make the target a recipient of ridicule and contempt. It only takes several reminders from scripture to show the wickedness of this subtle but pernicious behavior:
Several extremely reasonable questions can usually bring this to a stop. I’ve adapted these from Neil Anderson and Charles Mylander, Setting Your Church Free: A Biblical Plan to Help Your Church.
It’s also reasonable to ask, on any past incidents or statements asserted as having come from the target, about when and where it happened. Information about other people has an extremely short shelf life, and it may be found to have long past the ‘expiration date’ of having any reasonable validity. RED FLAG # 2: The abusive person recruits others to spy on his or her targets. It’s amazing how naive and gullible people can be when the abuser seeks to get information on his or her targets. The abuser seduces them into being his spies and informants. This often accelerates when the targets start to distance themselves from the abuser. The spies, which become known as the dupes and henchmen of the abuser, apparently do not make the connection that the reason the targets distance themselves from the abusers is because they find the abusers to be dishonest, untrustworthy, envious, and cruel. It’s noteworthy that no one in scripture who is wearing a ‘white hat’ – Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, Hezekiah, Josiah, Paul, and especially Jesus – ever did anything like this. Rather, it is the ones with ‘black hats’ – Saul (I Samuel 22:8) and Tobiah (Nehemiah 6:19) especially – who do this. Moreover, one of the common complaints against the unrighteous in the Psalms is that they engage in this kind of spying and gossiping on others. This kind of behavior therefore cannot be justified as having any scriptural basis in either precept or example. RED FLAG # 3: The abuser makes insinuations against the mental stability of the targets. False accusations of mental illness and instability by abusers are one of the most common markers that the abuser is pursuing some malicious and vindictive agenda. It’s amazing how so few note how eminently unqualified the abusers are to make any such allegations and amateur diagnoses. They often throw out labels in a pretense of a sophisticated understanding of mental illness. This works for a little while because they know that others may not understand and will not take the trouble to verify what the abuser is actually saying. There are two possible bases for the insinuations that may be evident. The first is that the target may actually be going through some life crisis, and may actually be suffering in some way. Or the abuser has heard of a previous life crisis of the target, and is presenting to others the past suffering of the target as an ongoing and present reality. It’s actually normal, though, for a person to be sad and hurt over a lost relationship, sudden unemployment, the death of a relative or some other life crisis for a period of time. It’s extremely cruel and callous for anyone to insinuate this kind of normal reaction is any kind of mental illness or evidence of any kind of mental instability. Rather, it fits into the abuser’s campaign to isolate and torment the target, to exploit their times of suffering to deepen the misery that they want to inflict on the target. The second possible justification is that the alleged mental illness and instability of the target is actually the sadness, hurt and avoidance from the prolonged suffering caused by the abuser. Over the past few years some psychiatrists have come to the conclusion that some sufferers of depression, for example, are simply in prolonged abusive relationships, and that medicating them for depression amounts to anesthetizing the victim of abuse to the effects of the abuse – which is exactly what the abuser wants. The person who actually is demonstrating mental instability is the abuser. One of the signs that this is true is that after a period of separation from the abuser the target starts to show less evidence of sadness and hurt and starts to get back to getting closer to others. This time of separation, when the target is visibly more ‘normal,' sometimes alerts others, then, that the behavior of the abuser is the real problem. It’s logical to inquire very pointedly about the qualifications and reasoning of anyone who makes any insinuations about the mental stability of any adult who has not been professionally diagnosed and is not under professional care. Upon honest examination many times these will be found to be slander. Moreover, it is reasonable for anyone who hears any gossip about anyone who actually is undergoing any kind of professional care to put a stop to it, since such gossip and insinuations are practically never the business of the recipients of the gossip. Moreover, this kind of slander often seems to be an effort to undermine legitimate efforts by the targets to overcome past difficulties and suffering, to put them in the past, and to grow and go deeper in the Lord. RED FLAG # 4: The abuser exercises assumed and legitimate authority in a Satanic, not a Christ like, manner. The abuser often assumes authority over others that he or she has not earned, or may seek some legitimate authority. The abuser’s exercise of authority is most definitely not in a Christ like way. Moreover, it is indicated in scripture and throughout the experience of Christians around the world and throughout history, that these kinds of leaders are often under demonic deception. At times they become troubled over their behavior, but the deep and stubborn pride that goes along with the deception often precludes facing the truth and coming the depth of repentance needed to escape the net of deception.
The leaders and members of the body of Christ must understand their responsibility before God to recognize, to refuse to assist, to rebuke, and to place these abusers under church discipline if there is no repentance (Matthew 18:15-17, Galatians 6:1, Ephesians 5:11). These marks are not intended to serve as license for either undue suspicion or intrusiveness, but for discernment of problems which are often camouflaged underneath counterfeit spirituality.
Technorati Tags: Abuse,Abusive Personality Dates Good and Bad: The Guy’s SideSeveral weeks ago I put together in my personal notebook some thoughts that occurred to me on dates that I've had both good and disappointing. For what it's worth, there they are.
July 17 Forgotten Christian Classics: The Life and Diary of David Brainerd and Praying HydeHere are two books that were quite influential for quite a while. They speak, from the lives of two missionaries, of the extraordinary spiritual fruitfulness that God gives in response to prayer (John 15:7). Yet I would say that the names of Praying Hyde and David Brainerd are practically unknown to most modern evangelical congregations. Here are the links to the Google books releases of these books. The book Praying Hyde is also available as a .PDF, which can easily be downloaded and read. The Life and Diary of David Brainerd by Jonathan Edwards CBN also had a short feature on Praying Hyde: Profiles In Prayer: Praying John Hyde By Richard Klein. Wikipedia also has short articles on both: John Nelson Hyde and David Brainerd. These would be more for background information in preparation for reading the longer works. |
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